Monday, September 1, 2014

Deep breaths...

So I'm figuring out that I turn to writing whenever I need to wrap my head around something big. It helps me remember to take deep breaths and take everything in. I don't write frequently anymore, but am happy to have this space to do it when I need to.

As I sit here the night before school starts, I can't help but feel a bit teary...and not only cause it means summer is officially over and we're back to craziness and routines...and making lunches. Yuck!!

I'm actually choking up at the thought of my oldest starting Grade 7. It's weird...I'm super excited for her, and she is very excited to start, but at the same time I have this feeling of complete angst. I'm not even really sure why. Maybe cause it's a bigger school and I'm afraid she'll get lost in the crowd, or because I don't do well with change. Or maybe it's because for the first time I truly realize how much she is growing up. I won't be able to walk her to school (the suggestion that I might resulted in an epic eye roll) and watch her safely go in. Instead I have to watch her (from afar) get on a bus and take care of herself when she gets to the very large high school.  It sucks you guys...why can't they stay little and need their mamas forever?

Instead, I have this independent girl who wants to do everything on her own, who tells me that she is sooo ready for this next chapter and who is excited at the prospect of trying a whack of new things now that she's in Grade 7. I know, I know I should be overjoyed that this is the attitude she's starting the year with - and I am. I want her to have an amazing year filled with new friends and activities. I just want her to do it while she's holding my hand.  Too much to ask?

For now, I'll just be happy that's she's excited. And make her promise to always answer my texts. And make sure I get lots of hugs in before she leaves the house. And hope with all my heart that she is still this excited when she is in month 2 of Grade 7.  And take deep breaths as I watch her walk away from the house in the morning.

Truth be told the plan is to follow at a safe distance behind her just to make sure she gets on the bus ok.  I can't be expected to give up complete control on day one can I?

Happy first day of school to all the kids out there (including my youngest who starts Grade 4 - not to worry cause there's an entry coming on that one eventually too!).  And to all the parents who are in the same boat as me...deep breaths!