Monday, December 29, 2014

My word for 2015

So usually I get around to posting my "word for the year" after New Year's, but decided that this year I would try to be ahead of the game.  Last year my word was Breathe.  I really did find myself stopping a few times to catch my breath, and trying to remember (in the words of Mr. Miyagi) "breathe in, breathe out".  At the very least, nothing got to the point where I was hyper-ventilating so I guess it worked.

2014 was also the year that I lost a little bit of the drive that pushed me in 2013.  I got a little lax with (well a lot lax) with running - and believe me when I tell you I can really feel it.  I feel way more sluggish and tired since that fell to the wayside.  So 2015 is the year I want to get my mojo back - hence my word for 2015:


I want to focus on all the things that make me happy this year.  Family time, date nights, laughing with friends, hanging with my girls (who are growing up way too fast), crafting, reading a good book and running.  So this year the plan is to focus on all those things, and although I'm a queen at multi-tasking I have learned that I can't focus on it all at the same time.  Thank you Captain Obvious, but it really did take me way too long to realize that trying to do everything meant I didn't get to truly focus on anything.

So there you have it...this year I will focus.  Truth be told I'm going to hang on to "breathe" for a little while longer.  That one really should not have a shelf life of only one year!

What word will you live by this year?


Monday, September 1, 2014

Deep breaths...

So I'm figuring out that I turn to writing whenever I need to wrap my head around something big. It helps me remember to take deep breaths and take everything in. I don't write frequently anymore, but am happy to have this space to do it when I need to.

As I sit here the night before school starts, I can't help but feel a bit teary...and not only cause it means summer is officially over and we're back to craziness and routines...and making lunches. Yuck!!

I'm actually choking up at the thought of my oldest starting Grade 7. It's weird...I'm super excited for her, and she is very excited to start, but at the same time I have this feeling of complete angst. I'm not even really sure why. Maybe cause it's a bigger school and I'm afraid she'll get lost in the crowd, or because I don't do well with change. Or maybe it's because for the first time I truly realize how much she is growing up. I won't be able to walk her to school (the suggestion that I might resulted in an epic eye roll) and watch her safely go in. Instead I have to watch her (from afar) get on a bus and take care of herself when she gets to the very large high school.  It sucks you guys...why can't they stay little and need their mamas forever?

Instead, I have this independent girl who wants to do everything on her own, who tells me that she is sooo ready for this next chapter and who is excited at the prospect of trying a whack of new things now that she's in Grade 7. I know, I know I should be overjoyed that this is the attitude she's starting the year with - and I am. I want her to have an amazing year filled with new friends and activities. I just want her to do it while she's holding my hand.  Too much to ask?

For now, I'll just be happy that's she's excited. And make her promise to always answer my texts. And make sure I get lots of hugs in before she leaves the house. And hope with all my heart that she is still this excited when she is in month 2 of Grade 7.  And take deep breaths as I watch her walk away from the house in the morning.

Truth be told the plan is to follow at a safe distance behind her just to make sure she gets on the bus ok.  I can't be expected to give up complete control on day one can I?

Happy first day of school to all the kids out there (including my youngest who starts Grade 4 - not to worry cause there's an entry coming on that one eventually too!).  And to all the parents who are in the same boat as me...deep breaths!

Friday, June 27, 2014

Times goes by...

Yes, it has really been 6 months since I lasted posted a blog entry.  I could say that it is because I didn't have anything to say, but truth be told lots has happened in 6 months.  I just was too busy out living it all that I didn't take the time to chronicle it here.

That being said, I could not let today go by without taking the time to put a few words down.  Today marks a pretty big day for 2 amazing people in my life - my daughter and my nephew.

First my munchkin.  Today Marianna officially moves on from her elementary school and is heading to junior high school.  To say this is an emotional day for me doesn't even start to describe it.  This week I watched her at her Grade 6 Leaving ceremony and all I could think of was how grown up she looked.  She sat there in her dress and heels, with her straightened hair and jewels and all I could see was my little girl with big brown eyes and ponytails.

It hasn't always been easy for her in elementary school, but I am so proud of how she has finished out her stint there.  She has strengthened some very dear friendships this year, she has worked hard to get herself organized and she has matured a ton in the last six months.  Yes, she has grown up and I am ok with it - mostly cause she still doesn't mind me grabbing her in a big hug whenever I want.

As she moves on to Grade 7, my wish for her is for her to remember that every day is a gift, that she will have bad days but this does not equate to a bad life, that she can lean on those of us who care about her whenever she needs it and that both laughing and crying are necessary.  Oh and that mama bear is never far when she needs me :-)

Now for my nephew.  Today B officially graduates high school.  Wait what???  How is he old enough to graduate high school and be off to university in the fall?  This one makes me feel like I've been smacked over the head - I can't believe how fast he has grown up.  And I have to keep remembering that he is not a little kid anymore (although I do still grab him when I want a hug LOL).

We are so proud of the man he has turned out to be.  I watch him with my girls and my heart swells.  I don't know many 18-year olds who are willing to chat with his much younger cousins and not bat an eye as they tell him about their very challenging lives on the school yard.

B I feel truly blessed to have you in our lives...even when you give us attitude (LOL).  I am proud of all you have is not always easy, but if you remember that you have family that loves you and will support you no matter what comes your way, you can get through anything.

As you move on to university, I hope you remember to enjoy the experiences you will have.  I hope you remember that you have people to help when you need it (although don't come and see me or Katie about're on your own there!!).  And I hope you remember that Tio and I will always, always have your back - no exceptions.  I love you dude - can't wait to see all you will accomplish in the next phase of life...and I'll see you later for my hug!!

Sunday, January 19, 2014

My word for 2014

Last year I got this great idea to choose a word that you wanted to live by for that year...sort of rather than making a resolution.  My word for 2013 was "content".  Thought it would be a good idea to pick another word to help shape this year...must say I didn't agonize as much over what the word of 2014 would be...just thought of something I wanted to do to help me make the year a good one.  So here it word for 2014 is:


I spent some time in 2013 feeling like I was holding my breath.  Whether it was waiting for test results, waiting for changes to kick in or just waiting to come out of the other side of a slump...I coped with the stress of waiting my holding my breath (ok not really or I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be around to share my word with you...but man it sure felt like it some days!).

I'm hoping that I remember than in 2014 its easier to come out the other side if I take deep breaths.  And laugh.  And lean on my friends and family when I need to.  And I'm really hoping that this year the only time I will feel like I'm out of breath is when I finally run my 10K.

So there it word is breathe.  What's your word for 2014?

Sunday, January 5, 2014

Lessons 2013 Taught Me...

I couldn't let the year come to an end without a "wrap up" post. Yes, I know I'm a few days late, but if I've learned anything about finding balance in my life, it's that some things can wait.  Lots has happened this past year. Some pieces are my stories to tell, other pieces are I thought the best way to wrap it up was to write about what I've learned from all that went on. So here goes (in no particular order):

1.  Life is too damn short not to live it with intention. And it seems like when you forget to live each day like it matters, you get a whack over the head with some piece of reality that makes you remember how precious it is.

2.  You can never say I Love You to those that count in your life enough. Even those with a tough exterior need to hear it often...and we should do it now while we still can.

3. I am stronger than I thought both physically and mentally. Well most days mentally...other days I'm a big freaking mess!  This year I took up running. I shrunk in size it got stronger with every stride.

4.  My kids are growing up and there's not a damn thing I can do about it. I'm super proud of the little ladies they're becoming, but it is very hard for me to watch them exert their independence when all I want to do is shield them from the world. I'm still working on the whole "let them make their own mistakes" thing, but I swear I am working on it.

5.  My family is super strong. A few bumps in the road this year, but I saw strength where I had forgotten it was. And I watched us rally the troops, link arms together, and say "we got this".

6.  I have some amazing people that I get to counts my friends. I've gushed about how great they all are in a number of posts so won't get mushy here. All I will say is that I truly hope that my daughters find people in their lives like these ladies. People they can count on, who make them laugh from their toes, who are honest with them and who hug them when they need it. Oh and at least one friend must have a porch for late night chats...that is a necessity!

7.  My kids have their own amazing strength. I think as adults we forget that being a kid is hard. It's hard to fit in (and some kids can be really, really mean!),  and peer pressure to be like everyone else can wreak havoc on self esteem. I watched my girls deal with stuff this year that made me want to bring out mama bear, but they handled it in their own way (see #4...I really am trying).  I love to see their strength and compassion, as long as they know tears are ok when they're needed...and mama bear is lurking the shadows if she's needed too.

8.  Finding balance is hard. Like really hard. I always feel like I'm missing out on kids stuff, that I'm not working hard enough, that I should be making more elaborate meals, that the house isn't clean enough, blah, bla, blah.   Here's what I know right now...I'm doing the best I can do and that's all I can do. I've worked hard this year telling the voices in my head to sit down and shut up...and they're getting a little quieter. I'm not sure they'll ever disappear, but I've come to realize that "doing too much" is how I roll. I've also learned it's ok to ask for help...that one I'm still working on but I'll get there!

So there you have lessons from this year. I do plan to keep blogging here...I just can't promise how often. I'll be out racking up more lessons. :-)