Just a quick check in!

Hi everyone!
Wanted to check in quickly and thank everyone for the positive vibes being sent my way - they seem to have done the trick.  Brain surgery was on Thursday, and I was sleeping in my own bed by Sunday night.  I have marvelled at every step what the body is capable of.  Who would have thunk that 3 nights after cutting open my skull I would be sleeping on my own pillow...so weird.

Goes with what I was told though - this one went off without a real hitch.  The hardest part was moving for 2 nights while connected to the leads that monitored my health.  I couldn't move, couldn't walk, couldn't sleep.  Day 2 was the hardest - nauseous (expected), mild headache (expected), elevated blood pressure (not expected but not terrible).  Once that night passed, I started feeling immensely better.  Got disconnected on Saturday and was able to move from bed to chair (YAY freedom!!).  The hard part after that was the boredom.  I never actually got into a room which meant I spent time in the OR recovery space.  No phone, no TV, no visitors - moving from bed to chair at a snailspeed pace.  So when the offer to go home on Sunday came I jumped at it.  Immediately felt better!

Not to say wasn't scared out of my mind.  Home on day 4???  Was this normal?  Would it be ok?  Truth is it absolutely would because I have a rockstar of a hubby who had everything under control even when I was freaking out a bit.  So here I sit - today is the first day where I feel tired and in a bit of pain.  Pain is a weird thing though...my last 2 surgeries were way worse in terms of recovery.  This one I'm on regualr Tylenol and just have to remember not to move my head too quit.  The most annoying part is the staples in my head that I sometimes forget are there.  Get them out at the end of the month, then a follow up.  That's it.  Well we wait for the pathology results to make sure its nothing but the surgeon has already said he is confident so going with that!!

For now I'm taking the summer to recover, reconnect with me, family and friends, and to figure out what is next.  I figure the last 2 years counts as my share, and it's done for awhile so I'm going to go with that.

As for everything else, I am thankful for technology so I can keep up to date with my girl who is in Ireland doing summer school.  She is pretty stressed about completing everything, but in my eyes she is amazing.  At 16 she headed to a foreign country for 4 weeks, knowing no one who was going.  She is homesick and hates not being here, but I know she is enjoying pieces of it.  I know she will thank us that she got to go, and I know I'm super jealous I can't be there.  Will live vicariously through her for now. And will remind her everyday that she's got this - I will believe for her.  And hell...if she doesn't get the mark she wants she has options - but she will never forget her first trip to the green hills.  I admire her - and if she can do that, I can recover so when she gets home we can talk all night :-)

Cheers everyone!
J

What a week!

This week has already been an eventful one.  I sent my oldest off on an amazing adventure (for the record I already miss her like crazy).  She is gone to do summer school in Ireland - we figured if she was choosing to reach ahead and get her Grade 12 English credit, she might as well do it in Ireland :-)

Sending her through security at the airport was hard, but at her request I did not cry.  I watched her walk through with confidence and chatting with the friends she had just met, and all I felt was pride.  Man this girl has come far...from the kid who I worried about constantly to this young woman who is tackling everything she has to head on.  I can't wait to hear all her stories when she is back in August!

Now for the part that I'm starting to freak out about - surgery is Thursday.  It has really been surreal up until now.  I never really processed that they were going to open my skull and remove something from my brain.  Even saying "brain surgery" was something I could not do with ease.

People have been asking me how I am doing.  I have been answering them honestly with "I'm fine; it will all be ok" - I really am fine.  I have felt calm about it all, and trust that the docs know what they are doing.  But this morning it really hit me.  It is taking everything in me to keep the panic at bay - lots of deep breaths and "you got this" mutterings in my head.  I am staying in control cause, to be honest, I'm afraid that once I really start to process it I will get completely overwhelmed.

I do believe that everything will be fine - I'm in the best hands I can be in.  I've been told what the recovery is like, and it doesn't sound too bad.  And I'm keeping a positive attitude because I believe that it helps.  And I have LOTS of support around me.  So really I am fine - but truth be told I am scared shitless about tomorrow.  Today is the first day the emotion of it all is sitting right under the surface - and I'm not sure I can keep it in check the whole day.  I am sure tonight will be a sleepless one, and I will likely lose it at some point.  If you happen to witness me starting to lose it, just give me a hug.  Or even better do something to make me laugh.  Or just stand beside me and know that I really am ok.  Gonna take more than this to knock me down!!

Will be pretty silent for awhile...talk to you all soon!

Julie