Tuesday, July 5, 2016

Dealing with self-doubt

So first, can I please just start off with a Woo-Hoo!  It's summer break and, while I do not have the luxury of taking the summer off, I officially do not have to make any more lunches.  Girls are on their own to plan and prep for lunch, including when they go to camp.  I could not be happier...well that's not true.  I would be happier if I was lounging by a pool for the summer, but I will take the small win LOL

No on to the reason for the post.  I tend to write when I have things I need to work through, or when I have an a-ha moment, or when I'm feeling super proud and/or sappy.  There is a little bit of all of this in this one...bear with me.

I've written lots about how my munchkin is dedicated, hard working, sets her goals and makes it her mission to achieve them.  I could not be prouder than when I watch her get "that look" - the one she gets when she's about ready to take on the world and smash through whatever target she has set for herself.  I've discovered, though, that there is a flip side.

She comes across as this super confident, ready to take on the world, full of smiles kid - and for the most part she is.  There are moments, however, that I can see this little girl who seems scared; a little girl who is wondering if she is good enough, if she will be able to smash through that target goal.  Those moments - the ones where I know she is battling that little voice we have all lived with that makes us second guess how good we are - those moments are the ones that break my heart.

Here's the thing - right now the doubt that is plaguing her is related to something she loves - cheer - and that is making it worse.  She is working so hard, and is so focussed on being a better tumbler, a more flexible flyer, a stronger base that I think she is wondering if she will ever get to where she wants to be.  Aiming for a perfect tumbling pass, a perfect scorpion, a perfect stunt is a lot to ask of a kid - and it is certainly a lot for her to ask of herself.  And because she has accomplished many of her goals this year (moving to level 3, becoming a flyer) she is worried it will slip away if she doesn't hit that unattainable perfection.  Hard to watch her struggle, but truth is I get it.  It took me a long time to realize that it was ok to doubt yourself, as long as you didn't let it take over.  Here's hoping I can convince her of that.

I wish I had a magic wand and I could silence that voice, or a magic mirror so she could see herself as I see her.  Brave, strong, determined, sassy, caring, talented...but I don't.  I have to stand back and watch her try and work through it, and just be there for hugs and reminders that she is amazing.  Those I can give in abundance.  And, with any luck, that voice she hears will turn into one of "I can do anything.  I believe I can so I will".  Fingers crossed...

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