Friday, March 2, 2018

Superwoman I am not!

So a few weeks ago I posted about starting my chemotherapy regimen.  I am not gonna lie - although I was scared, I was pretty confident that I could get through it.  I was raised to face things head on, and haven't met anything yet that stopped me in my tracks...until now.

The morning of the treatment I was pretty freaked out, but hubby extraordinaire kept me laughing and sane.  Honestly have no idea what I would do without him!!  The treatment itself wasn't that bad.  Got hooked up to the machine that would pump crap into me, donned my ice mitts and ice booties (that was actually the worst part - ice on my hands and feet for 90 minutes wasn't fun!), and just sat back for 2.5 hours.  I thought "this isn't bad!).  We left, went for lunch...just a very normal day!

I actually felt pretty good for the first few days.  I have no idea what I was expecting, but I thought the side effects would be immediate; that I would come home and just want to crawl into bed.  I was a little more tired, but other than that things were good.  Until day 5.

Day 4 I started to feel a little achy (a common side effect).  Still no nausea which was a huge bonus for me, but my bones were really sore.  I was determined (my husband used words like stubborn and pig headed) to try not to take any medication for the pain.  It wasn't bad, and honestly I was nervous about putting more crap into my system.  But by Day 5 I would have taken whatever they wanted to give me by IV.  It was awful.  Like really awful - pelvis, hips, chest bone pain.  It was all normal - but how the heck was I supposed to know that at the time??  I gave in and took the pain meds, and it was way more manageable after that.  By day 7, I was pain free and, other than being more tired, felt back to myself.

Then came Day 14 - my hair started falling out.  I knew it was coming, and I wasn't super worried about it - but it knocked the wind out of me when the first clump came out.  Got a cute pixie cut, and will hold onto it until I need to shave it completely.  Deep breaths have become my habit these days :-)

Let's be clear...I'm not looking for sympathy.  This post was about putting my experience out there and working through things in my own head.  I will take one lousy week for 2 weeks of feeling good - I'm lucky in that regard!  I have my moments, but truly feel like staying positive through all this is what is helping me cope.  I'm sure there are a few more meltdowns coming, but they will be a bump in this journey - they won't define it.

I'm learning to ask for help more (still a work in progress), and I am crawling into bed when I need to.  My family and my circle have been more supportive than I could ever have asked for - lucky in that regard too!

So treatment number two is next week - and then I'm half done!  I know what to expect now, and I am not going to try to be superwoman.  Even superwoman needed help every now and then.  My help will come from my hubby, my friends and my pain medication - not necessarily in that order LOL.

Until then, my weekend will be filled with a cheer competition and lots of family time.  Exactly how I want to be!


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